feeling grateful for...

heartbeat

Another notch on the concert belt - Beyonce! 

If you don't have a girl crush on Beyonce, then you probably hate her. It's understandable because she comes off as a rich b-word. She lives a very private life, is best friends with the President, has one of the greatest rappers alive as her husband, and just gave birth to a little girl. Soooo..she basically has the perfect life. or does she? If you watched her documentary, we learned she suffered from a miscarriage before Blue Ivy. She went from having a healthy pregnancy one week to hearing one of the most devastating things a parent could hear - "we can't find a heartbeat."

She called it the hardest thing she has ever been through. Her pregnancy with her rainbow baby, Blue Ivy, was kept a secret for a very long time because of her loss. She played clips last night of her and Blue on vacation - she genuinely looked SO happy. I am excited to be in that place one day. 

In her documentary, she mentioned that after her miscarriage she wrote the saddest song she has ever written, Heartbeat. Ugh she 's not lying - so sad but so honest.

This love just wasn't enough for us to survive

I swear, I swear, I swear I tried

You took the life right out of me

I'm so unlucky I can't breath

You took the life right out of me

I'm longing for your heartbeat

Heartbeat, heartbeat

just when you think everyone forgot....

I came home to a letter from the nurse who stood by my side during delivery...there aren't enough words in the world to express how it made me feel! Let's just say I needed this.

little ways to honor her...

One of my best girlfriend's bought me two Alex and Ani bracelets for my birthday. I love this jewelry! It's made in America and you can find a design for anyone and everyone. I bought one as a birthday gift for another girlfriend of ours and then she ended up giving one as a Christmas gift to another girlfriend. Needless to say - they make lovely gifts.   

It was also the perfect way to remember my Evelyn! 

red, white & the blues

Not only do I love the 4th of July for obvious reasons - time off from work, soaking up the sun, delicious food, fun drinks, but it is also my birthday! I knew I wanted this one to be low key because we are headed off to Cancun in a week. 

A bunch of friends & I headed to the Delaware River, plopped ourselves on rafts and floated on down. It was awesome. So relaxing and the weather was great. May need to make this a new tradition!

Birthdays are a great reminder of how lucky you are. I never ever forget this but it's awesome to be bombarded by it all in one day. Evelyn was on my mind all weekend. She would've looked so cute dolled up in red, white, & blue stealing all my birthday thunder. I wouldn't have cared one bit though. I was surrounded by good people all weekend so that these thoughts wouldn't get the best of me. I count my lucky stars for the people I have around me! Who knows where I would be without them...

medicine

I don't need medicine (although I understand if others do...)

I just need a day with these guys!

#auntcheeks #thatsme

....

 I'm frustrated that people forget, I'm frustrated it still feels like yesterday, I'm frustrated that I'm frustrated.