Tuesday, September 24, 2013

feeling good was good enough for me

I have been feeling freakishly "okay" lately. It scares me. I know when this happens, a wave of sadness is around the corner and no matter how strong I feel, it always knocks me down. 

It rolls in like one of those storms that seems as if the apocalypse has come. Dark clouds abruptly fill the sky, and even though you are only a few blocks away from home, you know no matter how fast you run, you are going to get caught in the rain. soaked. drenched. cold. you didn't bring your umbrella because although they said there was chance of rain, you convinced yourself you were going to beat it and be safely indoors before it begins. Yea..it's like that. 

And until the storm comes, I embrace my good days. I find myself being ridiculously productive trying to get ahead on a lot of things because I know how this works. The wave comes, it knocks me down, and it takes me a few days get back up again. On those bad days all I see is darkness, all I think about is Evelyn and what we would be doing at that particular time & place, all I feel is jealousy of the pregnant women surrounding me on the city streets, all I want to do is cry, the only person I want around is Chris, and all I want to know is...why? 

and that's okay. as long as I get back up and dry off.

No comments:

Post a Comment