need a little extra luck?

Happy March! 

held your whole life

Held Your Whole Life supports families whose babies never took a breath on this earth. They want to acknowledge the lives of the children who are lost before they were born. They have made over 1,000 personalized hand stamped necklaces and shipped them world-wide. 

A friend had told me about this and I immediately signed up. They warn you that it could take months to get you your necklace and they could not give you a date but assured it would come. 

Low & behold on February 6th, the very night before our wedding - a package arrives. In it was a necklace with Evelyn's name on it with a little charm with footprints on it. Chris & I immediately broke down. I was just going to keep the necklace as a keepsake and place it in her memory box. But what does Chris do? Puts it on instantly. He wore it on our wedding and hasn't taken it off since. 

hello, 2014

so much has happened already in 2014 and it is only February. 

I got married - yay!

Chris got a new nursing job he loves.

He also got accepted into Drexel University to complete his BSN. Wohoo!

Some really positive things have happened thus far. and I am BEYOND grateful for every single one of them.

There is, however, one thing I am not looking forward to - the one year anniversary of the birth of our Evelyn. 

How the HECK has it been a year already? 

I assume this time of the year will constantly be bittersweet for us. After an annual celebration of our marriage will come the reminder of our loss. 

Can I just say she was DEFINITELY looking out for us. Our region was bombarded by snow the entire month of January and February...except for the weekend of Feb 7th. Thanks, Evie!! 

beyonce - heaven

Beyonce came out with a surprise album that IMMEDIATELY lifted my mood. She included this song, "Heaven". As private as she is, I am so glad she sings/talks openly about her miscarriage...

I fought for you

The hardest, it made me the strongest

So tell me your secrets

I just can't stand to see you leaving

But heaven couldn't wait for you

No heaven couldn't wait for you

Heaven couldn't wait for you

No heaven couldn't wait for you

So go on, go home

We laughed at the darkness

So scared that we lost it..

the perfect card for right now

first christmas

Shouldn't I be searching for the perfect baby girl Christmas outfit right now?

Shouldn't I be planning out our crazy Christmas week - our first Christmas morning together, going to my mom's, then going to the Netzel's family dinner to sing 12 days of Christmas crossing your fingers you don't get picked to sing "Fiiiiiive golden rings!" every round. 

Shouldn't I be thinking "What do you get a 9 month old for Christmas!?!" 

The Holidays and New Year are supposed to be a time of the year you reflect on what the year has brought you and why you should be joyful and merry about what has come your way. 

Unfortunately, this year that isn't the case. 

It has done nothing but stir up emotion and remind me who is missing...

the countdown.

Well the countdown has officially begun...

No, not til Christmas.

Not til New Years either.

Not even until my wedding.

I now countdown the days until her birthday. 

That day means it will be one year since her death. 

One crappy, heart-breaking, painful, challenging, soul-sucking year.