ps. it doesn't go away

It's been almost 9 months since Evelyn has died. 

I want her back just as badly as I did in March. 

As time goes on, I have learned how to control my pain. I would be a liar if I said it didn't hurt anymore when pregnancies are announced and babies are born - because it does. But I have learned how to feel both joy & pain at those times. 

With the holidays around the corner, she is constantly on my mind. This time last year I was expecting my daughter to be here. It sounds silly but one of my many preparations for becoming a mom was decorating for holidays!  I literally thought to myself,  "Oh my gosh, I am going to be a mom! I need to like...decorate and stuff!" So after every holiday last year, I loaded up on the clearance seasonal decor. 

Unpacking all that will bring back a lot of emotions as I am certain I was strategic about what I bought. But I am ready for it. Might even start this weekend :)

American horror story

American horror story is one if my favorite shows! This season is The Coven and is all about witchcraft! The episode tonight had a scene where the witch was wandering around the hospital looking for her wounded daughter. She heard shrills and assumed it was her but instead found a young woman who had just given birth. The stranger was crying and next to her laid her dead baby. The witch asked her if it was a stillbirth or if it happened after it was born; the woman confirmed stillbirth. The witch laid the baby in her mother's arms and eventually instilled life back into her.

Are there any witches out there?

Just kidding. I think it's so interesting though when stillbirth is mentioned on television...I'm always intrigued on how others view it.